Fresyes. Come In, Fresyes.

Are you dead? Are you alive? Waist High to Fresyes, do you copy? Come in, Fresyes.

Fresno was named the 25th sweatiest city in America in Old Spice's Fifth Annual List of the Top 100 Sweatiest Cities, do you copy? Come in, Fresyes. You have officially been abandoned 5 months now. COME IN, FRESYES.

Bakersfield did not make the list, but mysteriously Portland Oregon did, where it got up to a scorching 92 degrees yesterday.

Come in, Fresyes.

Photo: kget.com

Cue The Tumbleweed Blowing By...

as Waist High's one time favorite blog Fresyes has officially been abandoned 4 months now.

How about some random Fresno facts while we wait for his return:

Fresno and the surrounding area produce about 60 percent of the world's raisins and about 90 percent of the raisins sold on the U.S. market. In recent years, the city's economy has expanded to include manufacturing, service, and industrial operations.

The name Fresno, meaning "ash tree" in Spanish, was first applied to the nearby Fresno River because ash trees were seen growing along its banks. The city assumed the name in 1872 when the Central Pacific Railroad founded it as a station.

Fresno was the fastest-growing big city in the United States during the 1980s, with a growth rate of 61.3 percent. Fresno is the sixth-largest city in California and the largest inland city in the state. Fresno is known for being the largest American city not directly linked to an Interstate highway.

Fresno's elevation is 296 feet above sea level.

Fresno County is in the San Joaquin Valley of central California. Downtown Los Angeles is 220 miles to the south and east, Monterey, on the Pacific Coast is almost directly to the west, 160 miles by road, and San Francisco is 185 miles to the north and west. The southern entrance to Yosemite National Park is about 65 miles to the north, while the entrance to Sequoia and Kings Canyon National Parks is about 55 miles to the east.

Photo: Dave van Hulsteyn

My 5 Favorite Blogs And What They Are Currently Grooving To.

Waist High recently queried her 5 favorite bloggers with MOJO magazine's monthly page 9 thriller ALL BACK TO MY PLACE IN WHICH THE STARS REVEAL THE SONIC DELIGHTS GUARANTEED TO GET THEM GOING.

Let's start with Waist High's all time favorite blog Fresyes.
THE CENTRAL VALLEY'S SECOND IN COMMAND

WHAT MUSIC ARE YOU CURRENTLY GROOVING TO?
Fiona Apple, "Extraordinary Machine," Spoon, "Gimme
Fiction," Arcade Fire, "Funeral," Journey "Greatest
Hits" (all hail, the Central Valley's native son, Steve Perry).

WHAT, IF PUSH COMES TO SHOVE, IS YOUR ALL TIME FAVORITE ALBUM?
R.E.M., Life's Rich Pageant (despite the absence of Steve Perry).

WHAT WAS THE FIRST RECORD YOU EVER BOUGHT? AND WHERE DID YOU BUY IT?
Genesis, "Invisible Touch." Cassette purchased at Tower Records, next to the K-Mart on Blackstone, Fresno, Calif. It features the full, eight-minute version of "Tonight, Tonight, Tonight." Not to go all "American Psycho" on you, but Phil Collins is an amazing, underrated singer.

WHICH MUSICIAN HAVE YOU EVER WANTED TO BE?
David Lee Roth or Eddie Vedder. Depends on my level of earnestness that day.

WHAT DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?
(rinse, lather) "Hallelujah," John Cale (add shampoo, rinse, repeat) "If I Were a Carpenter," Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash (shave, rinse) "14th Street," Rufus Wainwright (rinse, towel off).

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SATURDAY NIGHT RECORD?
Scissor Sisters, Scissor Sisters.

AND YOUR SUNDAY MORNING RECORD?
Simon & Garfunkel, Bookends.

Photo courtesy of: The Amy Langfield Collection

Watch Out: Mary-Kate, Ashley, Hitler, And Fresyes.

Some good stuff going on over at Waist High's current favorite blog Fresyes about the Hitler youth of Bakersfield. Hey Fresyes: You are doing fabulous with the whole, "We're Back, Suckas" thing, but I've heard that before. PLEASE DON'T VANISH ON ME AGAIN because then Bake Town will become my favorite blog, AND WE CAN'T HAVE THAT HAPPEN!

You Can Take The Boy Out Of Fresno.

But you can't get him to post.

Waist High would like to now publicly call out the "deadbeat ass" of Fresyes, my onetime favorite blog. Every. Single. Day. I. Go. To. The. Site.

Photo courtesy of: Hoover alum Brian via tearusapart.com/fresyes

Last Steve Perry Post. I Swear! (Unless Sherry E-Mails Me)

Check out Fresyes' Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin'... and Crime Fightin'. Just another reason we will never forget the man "Born in Hanford. Raised in Lemoore. (with) Pipes from Heaven."

Correction. Waist High: Laying The Groundwork For This Very Website As Far Back As 1983.

Delightful. Intelligent. Worldly. Persistent. Yummy. Sexy. All words Bake Town used to describe Amy In New York.

How did Bake Town describe her mentor Waist High? Words like Vulgar. And Bitch.

With Fresyes recently hailing Waist High as being "Better than Cats!" we would like to submit to Bake Town Exhibit B: Waist High clutching very tightly her 1983 West High School Valhalla Yearbook. Smiling because she knew that one day she would be the #3 hit for the search words "Bakersfield +blog."

Photo: The Waist High Collection

FAT.

Props to Fresyes for making the The Fresno Bee's (list of the) "Top 10 Fresnish Moments of 2004." Fresno is, the center of California you know.

In other Fresno news, Men's Fitness Magazine rated Fresno number 14 on it's 2005 list of the top 25 fittest cities in the U.S. The fine city received an A for climate, yet a C- for "Junk Food" risk factors.

So says the magazine: "Fresno residents like doughnuts: The city has almost three times the national average number of doughnut shops per capita."

We have nothing but love here at Waist High for the citizenry of Fresno, but we often wonder: Do you ever get offended when you fly?

Photo: westcoastroads.com

Even Though That Huge Ass Volcano 65 Miles From My House Is About To Blow, Waist High Still Manages To Represent "The No."

 

Just wanted to let the vacationing in "The Fresno of Europe" Fresyes know about the most interesting Fresno referral received here at Waist High so far. 

Fresno tidbit: It is considered to be the largest city in the U.S. that is not served by an interstate highway. 

Tidbit and photo courtesy: westcoastroads.com

"4 Rows Of Scummers."

Greatest drunk phone call received this week:

Who: Friend of Waist High attending day #2's festivities in a 4 day bachelor party celebration for someone we went to high school with.
Where: New San Diego Padres stadium: Padres vs. Dodgers.
What: "There are 30 of us at this game. 4 rows of scummers!"

ATTENTION FRESYES: Greatest Oregon license plate seen while leaving the Shell Gas Station: FRSBRG.

"I Was Just Over-Served."

It's been a Hell of a week what with Fresyes and Amy Langfield (spell check tells me to use Longfellow) almost coming to blows, Waist High having a date with a man, an epic discovery on the streets of Bakersfield, and Glen Campbell uttering the greatest phrase EVER to explain his recent drunkenness and subsequent arrest.

Attention Fresyes.

The only thing about tilefetish.com that I want to point out is that they refer to Bakersfield as "The New Fresno."

Lists. Always With The Lists.

Coming in at #6 on Sperling's "Most Stressful Places to Live," is Portland Oregon. Never to be outdone by my hometown Bakersfield California, at #34. My apologies go out to Fresyes, as Fresno falls in line at #45.

The number one spot went to Tacoma Washington whose "residents contend with one of the highest divorce rates in the country." With only 53 days of sunshine per year on average, high property crime and suicide rates, "Tacomans can feel safe from bodily harm thanks to the low violent crime rate."

As for Bakersfield? I hear that Bakersfieldians have the lowest rate of cataracts, heart disease, and Alzheimer's in the US. What do they attribute that to? According to Self Magazine's April 2004 edition, alcohol has many illness fighting qualities.

Amused.

I am not easily amused, but anyone who blogs about the top 7 artists that hail from Fresno (or somewhere fairly close) actually gets a perma-link in my side bar. Clever!