Ah Yes, Bakersfield.

Today is a good day to check out amylangfield.com.

The Fact Nerd Strikes Again.

Before Portland Oregon had a name it was simply known as "The Clearing." I apologize, but that seems much more accurate than Colonel Baker's 1862 description of his newly acquired field: "God's Country."

And to make you even smarter: there are 65 registered Yugo's in Oregon.

The Yugo was sold in the states from 1986-1992 with a starting price of around $3,990. During that time over 160,000 of them were sold. The Yugo was voted "Worst Car of the Millenium" by the NPR hosted show Car Talk, beating out "the Chevy Vega, the Ford Pinto, the AMC Gremlin, and the Chevy Corvette." (oregonlive.com)

The Yugo was brought to the USA by Martin Bricklin, an auto industry maverick who launched Subaru of America in 1968.

Price a Yugo can be purchased for now: $50.00.
Price to register your car in Oregon for two years: $35.00.

Waist High. Now With Comments.

(oregonlive.com 3/22/04) "A 26 year old man from Croatia admitted to SETTING HIS HOUSE ON FIRE so that he could avoid having sex with his wife."

Portland Gets The Middle Finger.

From Portland's Willamette Week: "Inc. Magazine released its list of best and worst cities for business last month" and the lovely city of Portland, Oregon "was listed as one of America's worst."

The best city in the country for business according to Inc. was Atlanta. Following right behind Atlanta at number two: "Riverside-San Bernardino, Calif. (includes Bakersfield)."

Bakersfield is nowhere near Riverside. I'm confused.

Inc.'s rankings did not figure the subjective stuff like can I get a good cup of coffee, is the weather nice, how's the symphony? They looked at "job growth, employment, and affordability."

Another Reason I Am Not Married.

Today a male individual was telling me and another person that he needed to cut back on his work hours per a request by his wife. He said, "The wife's been squawking."

We Must Have The Same Real Estate Agent.

From hawksof96.com, Stephanie says, "our second home is Amestoy's with Frank."

The Tater-Tot Turns 50.

Tater Tots were invented in 1953 by Ore-Ida founders Golden and Nephi Grigg, two brothers from Oregon who found a way to use leftover potato from their french fry business.

1953
Golden and Nephi Grigg create and name Tater Tots in Ore-Ida's Ontario, Ore. facility.
1954
Tater Tots first sold in grocery stores.
1965
Heinz buys Ore-Ida.
1978
Ore-Ida introduces its brand slogan, "When it says Ore-Ida, it's all-righta," which is used for more than a decade.
1994
Tater Tots gets a new bag for its 40th anniversary.
2004
This spring, Ore-Ida will introduce Extra Crispy Tater Tots.

Peter Zaremba.

Ever wonder what happened to Peter Zaremba, that cool fellow who used to host MTV's The Cutting Edge? Check out Mr. Bill's I.R.S. Records Corner for that and much more.

For all things Zaremba, head over to fleshtones.org.

Only One Other Person On The Planet Will Care About This.

(bakersfield.com) "Once home to the big silver screens of the old Crest Drive In, a now barren plot of land in southwest Bakersfield could soon become an upscale recreational vehicle park for travelers. The Crest was one of at least five major drive-in theatres in town. Some residents will not soon forget the massive movie screens, snack bar and speakers the area once housed."

For My Fellow Grocery Store History Buffs.

I know you're out there. Ever wonder what the first self serve grocery store was? Why Alpha Beta of course. For more, mosey on over to groceteria.net and make yourself a smarter person.

Best 1970s bumper sticker ever (real or imagined): Alan Hammill shops at Safeway!

This...

sucks for MANY reasons.

I'll Take Potpourri For $200.

Tomorrow night: Metallica. Mmmmmm. Robert Trujillo.

Because my mother is in the hospital, I have been amusing myself the last two days by constantly saying "Operating Theatre." Telling others "She is in the operating theatre," and asking "How long did the doctor say you will be in the operating theatre?"

They Say It's Your Birthday.

Happy Birthday to Jerry Lewis, Chuck Woolery, Flavor Flav, and Erik Estrada.

Mr. Estrada has always held a special place in my heart not just because we share the same birthday. He is one of the finest actors this country has ever seen, committed to only the most serious of roles. Yes, he was superb in CHiPS, stellar in Jailbreakin, a real softie in The Surreal Life, but where he really shines is as Victor in Caged Fury.

Good Morning New York.

As requested, quotation marks removed.

Need A Houseboat?

Merle Haggard's is for sale.

Amused.

I am not easily amused, but anyone who blogs about the top 7 artists that hail from Fresno (or somewhere fairly close) actually gets a perma-link in my side bar. Clever!

Quote Of The Day.

From Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill (1960): "I fully realize that no wealth or position can long endure, unless built upon truth and justice; therefore, I will engage in NO TRANSACTION which does not benefit all whom it affects."

"I Give It 12 Months Tops."

A friend briefly reflects on the biggest waste of money...er, I mean...my wedding in 1993. Hey kids, DO NOT get married just to give someone a "tax break."

From Creepy Mental Hospital To Just Another Place To Put A Slimy Nail Salon.

Not too far from Portland sits the abandoned Dammasch State Mental Hospital where, along with the Oregon State Mental Hospital in Salem, parts of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest were filmed.

Enter Costa Pacific Communities who is purchasing the site from the State of Oregon. The sale is expected to close in May of this year. What are they going to do? They will develop a sprawling Urban Village complete with 2,400 housing units and 35,000 square feet of retail space.

Spreading The Word Of Karma Via "Hey Mister."

From The Bakersfield Californian comes the story of Operation Decoy Shoulder Tap: "Adults arrested on suspicion of buying alcohol for minors. Five people were arrested on suspicion of furnishing alcohol to minors in Bakersfield on Wednesday. Investigators from the Department of Alcohol Beverage Control used a program called 'Decoy Shoulder Tap' to target adults who buy alcohol for people under 21. During the program, a person under 21 working under direction of a peace officer indicates that he or she is not 21 and asks patrons to purchase alcohol. When the five adults complied, they were arrested and cited for furnishing alcohol to a minor. Those found guilty pay a minimum $1,000 fine and work 24 hours of community service."

Hey Mister usually was the only way to get booze as a teen growing up in Bakersfield. There were exceptions and one of them is you had someone with you ready to party who looked over 21. I knew someone who did indeed look over 21 and actually made some side income charging a small fee for his services.

You also knew you could buy booze at Hollywood Liquors if you were underage, Larson's drive-through would sell to you and so would Oaks End Liquors.

There was a small convenience store just a block or so from our high school. One evening, a friend and I seek to procure some adult beverages. I approach a man in the parking lot and ask him if he will assist us. He resists. I plead a bit. He still resists. I must have pleaded more. He must have still resisted.

So, desperate, and in the spirit of preaching the law of Karma, I tell him, "PLEASE DO THIS FOR US. The good you do will come back to you."

That's News To Me.

Thought was dead but is not: Holly Johnson (Frankie Goes to Hollywood).

John Lee Hooker.

6 days away from my 36th birthday and I just heard John Lee Hooker for the first time.

The Gift.

It was this week in 1982 that The Jam's The Gift went to #1 in the UK. About Waist High's favorite from the album, "Ghosts," allmusic.com called the song "Tender yet tense."

(Weller, P.)
Why are you frightened can't you see that it's you
That ain't no ghost it's a reflection of you
Why do you turn away an keep it out of sight

Oh don't live up to your given roles
There's more inside you that you won't show

But you keep it hidden just like everyone
You're scared to show you care it'll make you vulnerable
So you wear that ghost around you for disguise

But there's no need just cos it's all we've known
There's more inside you that you haven't shown

So keep on moving, moving, moving your feet
Keep on shuf-shuf-shuffling to this ghost dance beat
Just keep on walking down never ending streets

One day you'll walk right out of this life
And then you'll wonder why you didn't try

To spread some loving all around
Old fashioned causes like that still stand
Gotta rid this prejudice that ties you down

How do you feel at the end of the day
Just like you've waked over your own grave

So why are you frightened can't you see that it's you
At the moment there's nothing so there's nothing to lose
Lift up your lonely heart and walk right on through.

Brown Dirt Humor.

From smartacus.org, my favorite slogan found on a Bakersfield souvenir t-shirt: Bakersfield: A Riverbed Runs through it.

From Jon Sullivan, my favorite description of someone's departure from the town: "I fled the area at a high rate of speed."

And from fray.com, my favorite one-liner about being a youngster in Bakersfield: "And, in the summer, one of the fun things we kids did was challenge each other to stand as long as possible in bare feet on the asphalt."

If You Can't Beat Em, Join Em.

One of my greatest pleasures in life is to nettle my mother. Calling her with my latest useless information is always thrilling, but better yet, I love hearing her react to my supposed constant wanton immaturity and never-ending slights:

"So I suppose that while I'M STILL IN THE RECOVERY ROOM after a full hip replacement, you are just going to prance on over to the Metallica concert?"

"Thank GOD my son will be there for me!"

"I can't stay at your place too long, I don't like your floor plan."

"Could you please do me a favor and not wear those yellow exfoliating sandals in public?"

"Please don't upset your grandmother!"

"Please don't touch my belongings!"

"I don't read your damn website!!!!!!!!!"

My Parents Must Be So Proud.

Who: an 85+ year old man in a Chevrolet Lumina with PERMANENT DISABLED VETERANS PLATES.
What: flipped me the bone.
Where: an I-5 off ramp somewhere in Oregon.
Why: I flipped him the bone first because he decided to get into my lane for no apparent reason and had I not swerved into oncoming traffic he would have hit me.

To My 2 Relatives Who (Sometimes) Read This Weblog:

Kern County is one step closer to having a national cemetery thanks to a generous donation from the Tejon Ranch Company who donated 500 acres of land located near highways 223 and 58, east of Bakersfield. Completion of the new cemetery is tentatively planned for 2009.

Hey. At Least Taurus Didn't Make The List.

Pinching material from today's Rick Emerson Show, check out the slide show of "The Worst American Cars" at forbes.com. Besides being "lousy cars that didn't run," special consideration was given to cars that were "potentially noble ideas, but mismanaged." Example: the Pontiac Fiero. Which by the way is the only two seated American car with the engine placed in the back.

Link Of The Decade.

My life has meaning. The day your weblog gets traffic because someone types this into a search engine, you know you have done humanity good.

3601 Chester Ave.

For those of you interested in "the Blackboard, the biggest, loudest, roughest bar in Bakersfield for the better part of a quarter-century," sneak on over to Bakersfield Sound via bakersfield.com.