But is now the mother of an adult, when on Sept. 4 her daughter Morgan turned 18. She can now, according to her, "Do whatever the fuck I want."

I, Waist High, promised myself before I left Oregon for my reunion that when I returned I would take a stab at having a social life. I became even more determined to keep that promise to myself after telling many fine folks at the reunion, who told me that they read my blog, that the reason that I can blog is because "I have no life."

So, so long for now folks, this is Waist High signing off, and who better to do that for me than my beautiful and witty adult daughter. But let me just first say FUCK YOU KERN COUNTY DRUNKARD, AND FUCK YOU JED!

Hello old people with nothing better to do than read someone else's blog. This is the Lovely Teenaged Daughter reporting from Waist High's lair, and I just finished explaining to my Mom what 'bringing sexy back' was. And she claimed she just heard "My Humps" for the first time on Thursday. I laughed merely because that song is over a year old now. She is currently sanitizing the entire house wearing a Duran Duran t-shirt. My Lovely Wannabee Teenaged Mother informed me today that this is going to be the last post of her blog and that I need to make it "funny." I ignored the fact that I am just her puppet for funny blog posts and gasped at the fact that she said "last post." LAST POST? Who does Waist High think she is? Honestly, who is going to post a happy birthday every other day to some washed out 1980s singer that most of you forgot was even still alive. Who is going to blog about her adventures to West High to take pieces off the wall to show me that in fact, her web site does match the original color of West High.

So Waist High is calling it quits for now, and all I can say is that I hope she takes up a new hobby because she is sure going to have a lot of free time now that she isn't spending all of her time being sedated in the eighties. With the time she's spending not blogging she could probably knit me a quilt. Maybe she can finally start buying holiday sweaters and driving a mini van and being middle aged like the rest of the world.

Who am I kidding? My Mom will always listen to The Specials and Duran Duran and drive a beat up Taurus that I refer to as "the bathtub." Even if she isn't blogging about 1986 she will always be Waist High. I think that's what makes my Mom so quarky is that she doesn't wear holiday sweaters like most of the fat housewives that live in this town, and she doesn't live off a husband who works while she stays home and makes it her job to pack sack lunches and watch Days of Our Lives. All my friends think she's my sister and I think that's what makes my mom so cool.

Finally get a chance to wear the above shoes. Cause folks, (insert sound of a record coming to a scratching stop) the rumors are true. Yes, you heard right, she has found "some suitable dirtbag to copulate with."

And he is picking her up at the airport on her return. And there is going to be booze.

Quote courtesy of: my #1 fan Jed
Photo courtesy of: Carlos by Carlos Santana via zappos.com

Jed: Just What You Have Always Wanted. To Be A Star!

Seems that my stalker Jed. Wait, scratch that. Seems that Sam, recently voted "The Ugliest Dog In The World," has become a canine celebrity.

"I've Never Had A Dog This Much In Love With Me."

Waist High would like to say thank you to full time reader Anita who captured this photograph of Jed, the young man who started a blog devoted exclusively to HOW MUCH HE HATES WAIST HIGH, and who recently had this to say:

"Chrissy Fessler, the cheap broad who grunts and blogs under the name of Waist High. Even denouncing such harpie-like vermin is beneath (insert the name of his lame blog here) time, but suffice it to say, the bitch thinks there's something really profound in 80's pop music ala Duran Duran, and apart from that, she seems to write about her attempts to quit smoking or finding some suitable dirtbag to copulate with."

Thanks Anita, I've been wondering what he looks like!

Photo of Sam, recently voted "The Ugliest Dog In The World" courtesy of: latimes.com

If My Stalker And #1 Fan Jed Could Only Comment On This, I Am Sure He Would Be Outraged!

Photo, taken in the living room of Waist High Aug. 2, 2005, of a West High School weight belt issued to Waist High Special Correspondent "Tri-Tip" in 1984, courtesy of: The Waist High Collection.

Wouldn't this officially make me the "keeper of all things West High School"?

And to think that somehow I got overlooked when the West High School Class of 1986 reunion committee was formed last month.

I'll Take "Obsessed" For A Thousand Alex.

Note to self: Never forget that there is nothing sweeter than coming back from a vacation to find that an evil full time reader, who is obsessed with you, has started his own website DEVOTED EXCLUSIVELY to his love and admiration for you.

Sweeter than that? Maybe, just maybe, removing my comments so that my obsessed reader can not comment on my site.

Photo courtesy of: The Laverne DeFazio Collection

I Guess You've Got To Be Smarter Than What You Are Working With...

Waist High would like to give a hearty welcome to new FULL TIME READER Jed!

You see, Jed is a full time reader and didn't even know it. Let me explain...

JED is a (content removed by author). Generally, he seems to have made a hobby out of commenting at Waist High. But what he has not considered is that to be so active on my site, to come to the site sometimes SEVERAL TIMES A DAY means, that in Blogger parlance, he is a FULL TIME READER!

Welcome Jed! Oh crap, I almost forgot. Feel free to e-mail Jed at (e-mail address removed by author).

He is smart, but not really. Let me explain. The (content removed by author). Here is what this (content removed by author).

Jed: If You Were Really Clever, You Would Have Called Me "Wasting Away" High...

From the kabc.com article "How Long Will You Be Fertile?" the quote that 37 year old Waist High loved the most was, "For most women, fertility gradually declines until age 37, and after that it usually plummets."