"What's That Dirty Under There?"

As a sibling of a long time friend of this writer prepares to move to the beautiful city of Portland Oregon, the staff at Waist High would like to proudly share the news that just came across the wire:

Portland tops Reader's Digest list of
cleanest cities in America. (katu.com)

And the "illiterate, Bud-stained, Marlboro stinking lot" are still being encouraged to STAY AWAY. That means you racing fans! (Bakersfield Californian via Bake Town)

Fast Facts about the city for whom former governor Neil Goldschmidt literally moved a downtown highway to make way for a greenway along the Willamette River:

Portland sits at the confluence of the Columbia and Willamette Rivers. It is 78 miles west to the Pacific Ocean and 65 miles east to the nearest glacier on Mount Hood. Summer temperatures hover around a sunny 78 F. The rest of the year it is usually a seasonless gray 50 F, with some 36 inches of rain misting from October through May.

If you are a reader: Portland has the largest independent bookstore in the world. (

If you like movies and food: Portland has the most movie theaters (many of which serve beer) and restaurants per capita in the U.S.

If you like open air markets: Portland has the largest continuously operating open air craft market in the U.S. (Saturday Market)

If you like beer: Portland has more microbreweries than any other city in the nation! (

If you like parks, Portland has over 200 of them, including the largest forested municipal park in the nation (Forest Park, 5,000 acres) and the world's smallest park (Mills End, 452 square inches).

If you like to pay sales tax: you are out of luck because Oregon does not have such a thing.

If you like to pump your own gas: forget about it because SELF SERVE GAS DOES NOT EXIST in Oregon.

If you like to pay the better part of a week's salary to register your vehicle: you might be disappointed because it is $54.00 to register your car FOR TWO YEARS. Waist High's piece of shit Taurus? That Lake Oswego housewife's new Mercedes S350 Sedan? Same fee.

The Reader's Digest list is

Photo: Allow Me, J. Seward Johnson, can be found in Pioneer Courthouse Square
All material: nationalgeographic.com/traveler & pdx.edu
Title quote courtesy: John Garone